Another ripple

I recently re-established contact with a friend from elementary school (I'll call her Jane).  She was probably my closest friend at the time, but since we both went to a private school, we lived in different New Jersey towns that weren't even immediately next door to each other.

I attended 2nd through 5th grade with her, moving away to Martha's Vineyard without warning the summer after my 5th grade year.  Jane was just one of several friends that I rapidly lost touch with after that surprise move.

During the mid-90s (pre-Google, pre-Facebook) I'd tried to restore contact with Jane.  I was able to track down her mother (whom I'll call Emily), who happened to live in the same town she'd lived in 25+ years before, when Jane and I were in school together.  I mentioned to my mother that I was about to contact Emily for this purpose, and she didn't particularly remark on it at all.

When I called Emily, I received a frosty but still polite response where I would have expected a big outpouring of good wishes.  After all, I'd spent many days and weekends at Emily's house, trucked around in her car to many destinations ranging from the pumpkin stand to NYC's Museum of Natural History, and eaten many meals at her table.  She gave me Jane's address (she was living abroad at the time) and we cut the conversation short after that.

I then mentioned to my mother than Emily had been rather short with me, and again, my mother didn't really remark on it.

Fast-forward 15 years:  I found Jane via Facebook and, as it turns out, she's living one state away from me --- perhaps a 3-hour drive.  We chatted online at length, and eventually, in the process of catching up on our families, I told her about the existence of this blog.  She read parts of it and was floored by it.  She also mentioned that she'd talked with Emily about me, telling her the overview of what was up with my mother.

Emily remembered my phone conversation with her, and apologized (via Jane) for its tone.  It seems that Emily's husband (Jane's father) had carried on an extended affair with my mother in the early-to-mid 70s, contributing to a deterioration and eventual dissolution of that marriage.

And so, the other shoe drops, with a dull thud!


I'm not so shocked that my mother had an affair with him; it seems that that sort of thing happened right and left in the mid-70s.  But she'd told me about many of her other dalliances, ranging from her 20s onward (I don't know if it was the complete list, but garsh, it was a long one) --- often in far more detail than I wanted or would have ever been considered healthy.  Why hadn't she mentioned this one?  If not when I was a teen, then certainly in my early 30s, when I brought up my upcoming phone call to Jane, or particularly after the phone call, when I remarked on Emily's curt tone with me?

This episode broke her rule:  any past conquests were to be easily and repeatedly discussed, with just about anyone, and not so much discussed as recited in the presence of her daughter.

Did she omit the addition of this one to her list because of an experience of actual shame or remorse?  If so, that would be a first, I believe.

In any case, my re-connection with Jane, who dates back to the earliest point in my childhood of all of my treasured friends, could not have been a happier event for me.  I just never expected it to be so revelatory, as well ...