A phone call from yet another former friend of N-mom

This is a transcript of a phone call from one of my mother's former friends.  It came during the worst part of period during which I realized that there was no improvement possible for my mother, after which I went 100% no contact.  I transcribed the entire phone message, word for word --- I thought it was that important.

I've been doing some housekeeping on my laptop's hard drive and found this gem.  Amazing to have dug it up.

Note that the Sally in question had debilitating fibromyalgia, and had had to give up a college teaching career in her 50s due to her illness.  She'd met my mother at a clinic for chronic fatigue syndrome.  She'd at first extended every kindness and energy to my mother, her newfound friend.  Later, she saw how badly she'd been burned after she built an entire vacation with her husband around the needs of my mother.  She rented a large SUV to help move my mother from her hotel in the Boston area down to Martha's Vineyard, and then my mother flaked on her at the last possible second, leaving Sally holding the bag --- and the bill for the rental.

31 July 2006

5:43 pm

Hi, Elise, 

This is Sally M. --

I’m calling to…I don’t really know what I’m calling about, because I don’t think that what I have to say is really going to help anyone, in any way, but I still have to say it, just because…  When I called you, I believed one thing about your mother, and now I’m calling you to say that I really take it all back.  Whatever I might have said in her defense, I take it back.  She’s really…she’s a very difficult woman, and I’m sorry for you and I’m sorry for whatever she’s put you through, because…she has really played me and my family.  I’m very upset about it.  Because I thought that…

Boston's Zakim bridge, near my mother's hotel

Things went downhill when I said “Love your children unconditionally”, and she said…well, that was the end, that was the end of our friendship.  Anyway, she’s really screwed us, in a big way, because we’re planning a trip to Boston.  I must have hurt her feelings when I said “love your children unconditionally”, and I said “comply with Elise’s demands”.  Anyway, so now we’re screwed.  We have a car that we don’t want; we were supposed to move her; she just cancelled everything…you know, she’s just been…oh, my God, you know, I just…

This will be the last call from me, and all I can say is that what you’re doing for yourself is the right thing, because she does not have a conscience about other people.  It’s always someone else’s fault.  This issue that you’ll probably hear about…she’ll distort into something, God only knows what she’ll say.  But I am sorry your mother is like that and I pray that you find solace in your own self and heal and know that, deep down, you know, she’s doing the best that she can, but it’s very, very difficult.  She just cannot take responsibility for her actions.

Anyways, I’m sorry to leave this disgustingly negative message, but, you know, I have had it with her, and, you know, she’s lost another friend.  I want nothing, nothing to do with her.  I just pray that you somehow can find solace and eventually a re-connection with your mother.  Maybe she’ll wake up.  God only knows.  So take care, Elise.  Bye bye.